I have had kind of
I have had kind of sensory overload that last couple of days. Last night I whipped together a night out so I could see Chicago before it left the theaters. On a whim, and by chance of circumstance, I ended up taking my 18 yr old cousin to the movie with me. It is kind of a trip to be around her in any sense because I remember watching when she was small. I remember her little preemie body in the crib in my room with the heart monitor and all the worry. Now here she is all grown up. She is so quiet. It is hard to tell what is going on in her head. Come to find out it is a lot like talking with myself. She seems more self aware than I ever was at that age. I don't know that I would ever take her to the movies again with me though. She talked a lot.
She is interested in me mostly because I am Wiccan and she wants to know stuff, that general thirst for knowledge and such. I think she expects there to be more bells and whistles than there are, at least for me anyway. She is a good kid.
The other thing I really noticed is how hypersensitive I am to my mother's moods and how people react to her or treat her even. See, my mother is bi-polar or something, it seems the diagnosis changes every few years. Any time I am around my mother with her family I feel for her. I can't help but wonder when she is ignored or talked down to if that was her role in the family for all her 49 years.
My mind has wandered a lot to my formative years, it would help if I could remember more of them. As I sit here today I know that I am loved, I know that I am appreciated, taken for granted, still bitter for hurts of a child, but I have basically made it this far in one piece. But when I look at little things I wonder what things I missed, or didn't miss that have affected me to this day. An example doesn't come readily to my mind.