Let's Do the Time Warp Again
I had an out of body experience last night in the best and worst way.
I took off work early and headed to the coast, I mostly say coast here in Oregon as beach doesn't quit describe the scene. It was a very pleasant time with my sister Pamela, my son and my nephew Javier.
Just so I do not forget - I am always amazed at how close I feel to Pamela. In her younger years I wanted to be the older sister that she looked up to and confided in. At the time it probably mattered most for her it couldn't happen but in the time that matters most to me it is happening.
Even as our trip to New York last October spelled out our differences exactly we still have an incredibly strong bond. Hell, even as our conversation last week showed the differences it does not make much of a difference as I know she is pure of heart.
I cannot really recall the conversation or why it took so much participation but as I was driving home in the dark from Lincoln City we were deep in conversation.
I remember having to pass a car and then having to get back in the right lane immediately after so as not to miss the junction back to Salem. I remember at different times trying to tell myself to stay more focused on the road and the cars around me but I immediately kept coming back to the conversation I was having. Suddenly I see a sign... A road sign that is! It beckons me "Now entering Tillamook County" In that instant I am aware of how much I have been driving on autopilot. I do not recall ever seeing that sign before on previous trips. I cannot imagine how I could have taken a wrong turn as I was driving so effortlessly. As I begin freaking out and driving I keep wondering if I need to turn around and go back or if I am just noticing something I have never noticed before. I drive on very skeptically and nothing seems familiar. I am unsure how far I should continue driving. I am suddenly completely at a loss for what road I should be on or what direction I am traveling. The whole time Pamela is trying to recount what we have passed and what turns I did or didn't take.
The sensory explosion is too much for me. I can only drive so much further because now my body is in panic mode. For what reason I cannot really surmise because I know how to drive to Tillamook and I will not run out of gas and I will get home in one piece, albeit later than desired.
I do not imagine that we drove more than a mile or two and I cannot take it anymore. I have to turn around and look for a sign or landmark to clear my head.
As we drive back towards wherever I realize nothing in the surroundings is familiar to me. I keep searching and searching wondering where in the world I am. The drive is never ending and I am freaking out on new levels, although I have to freak quietly as I am driving with children asleep in the back and my sister who doesn't know where or how we are where we are.
I suddenly pass the town of Otis! Yay, I know I have to pass through Otis to get to the beach but I suddenly wonder if I am still approaching from another direction. If any of you know Otis, you would see this shouldn't have been a problem to even consider.
I end up driving all the way back to Lincoln City. How far I traveled I have no real idea. In a way I have never experienced before every sign, building, tree is popping out at me and yet nothing seems familiar.
We land far enough into Lincoln City for me to know where I am and we start making our way back. As we come to the Salem junction I am fully aware and fearful. Did some strange trick of time and energy move me to a new world? I compete with myself over whether or not I have seen this building or that sign.
Pamela has now entered my conundrum and is swearing that this or that is or is not familiar. She believes that I never made the switch back into the right lane after passing the vehicle and for a long time I believe that is possibly true. Only once we pass a glowing Pepsi sign do I realize I was just sleepwalking through my drive home. It is not a dream or a warp or cliche in my psyche... I was just dead to the environment around me. I can so clearly see in all of this the bigger picture of mental clarity, of wakeful mindfulness. I feel spiritually open and yet unprepared for what lies ahead.