life of uncertainty: Muddle

I don't even know where to start... or how long to continue. I have been writing for the last hour and a half it seems and my hand is tired. If it weren't for the fact that I did not complete a full day's work I am not sure I could be typing at all.
My end of week went so speedily by last week and then I lost Internet service over the weekend so I dreadfully feel so out of sorts with what has happened in my life.
Thursday night an old friend, Rudy, was in town. We talked as we always do, in ways I can with no other. I am sure that comes from Rudy's energy but in large part it is the freedom offered when speaking to someone you see so rarely they do not have time to judge or it is really something else though too. We almost never speak outside of our visits either. I find it unexplainable. This time we spoke of romantice love. I spelled out my fears and frustrations.

We drove around the perimeter of my city and I got stoned. It is a surreal feeling I could come to love. I should find it a "good thing" pot is not more accessible to me.
Later I had a wine cooler with way too many cigarettes and I could barely pour myself in bed before the urge to vomit crept onto me. I was victorious though and I did not feel nearly as horrible as expected come the early morning hours.

Friday I saw my grandmother on her birthday as well as my parents. I learned that my brother David and his life partner Mike were going to be in town. Hurray!

Saturday morning I had a pleasant trip to the Saturday market with Elijah. The day was cool and overcast as we walked exploing the booths. I purchased some of the biggest blackberries I have ever seen as well as banana bread and soap. Pink grapefruit soap. It is not as lovely as the Pink Grapefruit from San Francisco Soap Co but it is nice.

We listened to a guitarist and examined needle point. If only I had $200 to purchase the dinosaur quilt made just for me. Not really...

I hate a Peruvian tamal wrapped in a plantain leaf not knowing I would soon be reading about a Cuban love story. What a hispanic spiced weekend I had :)

The rest of the weekend I was a bit ill to my stomach as I was today. Nothing seems to help really but I am not showing any outward signs really either. Sunday I spend the day in solitude as I skipped out on plans with Scott and Elijah. I read, bathed and slept. Divine.

I feel there is so much more to say but I must sleep. Thank you Nicolette and Elle for the box. It was another pleasant surprise for my weekend. And a letter from my dear friend Georgia too. I felt truely loved and blessed this weekend.

Hasta la manana