life of uncertainty

Today is a strange contrast to yesterday. I am tired, bored, uninterested in my job but today is mellow. I came to work knowing I was going to take it easy today. Focus on my special projects and worry about the other on Monday. I also went out to lunch with coworkers. I had a sandwich with gorgonzola cheese. Ick!

I thought tonight would be a nice night of cleaning my house while Scott kept Elijah entertained. Then I thought maybe Scott and I would go to a movie. Now I know I am going to run a ton of errands and if I get lucky I might see Scott for bedtime. As if the 12 hour days and 6 day weeks were not enough an employee quit leaving everyone in a bind.

I could sleep for a week!

Posted by Hennifer at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

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I came in knowing I had a busy day ahead of me, only to find it was going to be busier. My boss wanted a coworker and myself to race to see who could finish a project quicker. However the coworker wasn't even here. I guess he also wanted, my boss, both of us to do it to see if dollar amounts matched. I am waiting on Excel. It cannot seem to handle the sheer volume of VLookups it needs to do. I HATE MY JOB. I might start looking for other work if I wasn't waiting on my review --> due in February --> to get a RAISE!

I want to be doing my regular work, and my other special project. Everything is time sensitive. I don't mind deadlines, and in fact normally I do fairly well but this is constant & overwhelming.

On the home front I am trying to teach E about wastefulness. We had such a nice evening and I had just told myself how nice it was to not be rushed in the AM, what a difference it made in my stress level when all collapsed...

He fell on wet cement because he was trying to walk on a curb, he climbed on the backseat with wet boots and he refused to finish his partially eaten apple after already discarding half a banana.
I struck him on the hand/leg as he was in the back seat, ignored his cries and did not apologize. I want to curl up and hie when I react like that. I do not want to turn into my mother. I do not want to blame this on her. I want to be a better mother. I want to be done with this work project. I want to kidnap Nicole!

My friends Anne and Penny are going back to school. I want to too but I am afraid of failing. Afraid of tackling writing. Afraid of being a permanent student because it is easy.

Ok, My stupid computer is behaving and I have to pee... Back to work.

Posted by Hennifer at 07:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

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1st note --> Email MT link home
2nd * Since I have such a loyal following I felt I HAD to blog tonight, gladly!
Sad news is I cannot access from home since last week. It is probably for the best since I use the GOD DAMN computer all day long. I am so sick of my mouse I could die.

But I wanted to get my blog so I wrote this while watching Law and Order.

I have come to a conclusion - I love Easter candy.

For the record - I have not forgotten about "The Interview Questions" I am just hung up on the 13 Chapters, and too tired to link.
Between the time I was going to blog and now I put E to bed and have forgotten what the bulk of my entry would be.

I cannot believe it has only been a month since the visit from Nicole and Xander. It feels like an eternity ago. There is this really great Gap add, a cute guy, sexy and tight T-shirts and this song by the Soup Dragons. They were a one hit wonder in the 90's.

Since I cannot maintain a constant stream of thought I will just make a list of the things making me happy at this time and place
* malted egg candy w/ hard shell
* ringers
* the thought of dying eggs on Sat. for Ostara
* Becca having a baby
* James being back from Iraq, and the way it suddenly hits me
* E using his potty
* Babies being born for me to hold and play with
* Solomon & Janella coming to Oregon (although under unpleasant circumstances)
* Being able to wear sandals
* Reading 2 novels & enjoying a third
* Sam Waterston?
* Seinfield
* Bowling on my phone
* My new phone

I am really having a hard time dealing with death right nwo or actually the passing of time.

My "aunt" Ruth passed away. She was biologically my grandmother but my mom was adopted by her aunt. In any event I am saddened at the happy memories w/Ruth I had forgotten. Or more importantly maybe I am just longing for the strange comfort of family that I never liked growing up. And as we know nothing about my mom's father now I have lost a chance to learn the truth of my mom's earliest years.

I hate words! I hate writing, tis true. All right. Off to check the mail, read & sleep

Posted by Hennifer at 10:45 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

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Hello Tuesday... I am tired today.... I miss my blog.

Posted by Hennifer at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

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Hello... I was going to post a blog last night but I got a surprise! Nicole was online very late at night so we chatted. I was feeling really emotionally raw last night and not sure where to begin with my blog so I guess things work out for the best anyway. I am trying to adjust to being back at work after a week off, going fairly well. Probably because I know I am headed out to lunch with a group of coworkers. It is a sad fairwell for me as my coworker Christine did not get offered a permanent position.

Posted by Hennifer at 10:58 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

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I have been so neglectful of my blog ::pout:: What a pleasant surprise I got today, finding out that a dear friend has a blog herself now. Yippee! I am waiting up for my laundry so I can finish packing for a short but fun trip to California to see Elijah's paternal side of the family. I didn't want this to be a last minute thing but I have been under the weather. -I am very happy that Elle and Hannah are home safe. In retrospect I guess the trip to California isn't so short. A week is a short time for a cross country trip but for the 2 hour flight I guess we will have a lot of time with family. Sometimes I really wish my boyfriend and I could have more common views on raising our son. Nicole, I miss you terribly. I feel kind of sad that I won't be here to welcome home my youngest brother but I guess that will give him more time with his wife and daughter. I was really excited to see that there would be sun while we were in California until I remember that I do not have any summer clothes. I will be hot... Ick! And I cannot decide which shoes to take... Oh wait, I decided to take different pants so I only have to take one pair of shoes Ok. I am feeling sooo tired... Hurry up dryer.

Posted by Hennifer at 11:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

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My brother has made it back safely from Iraq. He will be home in a couple of days. Hooray! And little baby banana should come some time tonight or in the early am! I made it through a 9 hour work day despite really wanting to go home sick!

Posted by Hennifer at 05:22 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

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