life of uncertainty

Beatlemania

I adore the Beatles!
Did you know that? I have been listening to Abbey Road in the mornings and I cannot tell you how happy that makes me.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but I truely believe that listening to a “great” Beatle song before work is the key to a happy Hennifer.

What do I mean by “great”? There isn’t a whole lot of distinction since I find most songs to fall in this category :)

Oh, Darling
Something
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
She Came in through the Bathroom Window.

One almost sure characteristic is a John song.

My absolute favorite Beatle song, and favorite song altogether is Norweigan Wood.

I decided today that I really want to expand my CD collection to obtain Beatle cd’s I do not have. I sometimes purchase a new artist CD when I am in the throws of song adoration but then seldom go back to them. Classics are the way to go. And as much as I love soundtracks they are usually best for housework and lounging. Car songs are harder to come by although an almost sure bet is Ani DiFranco.

I love music. It can be a simple riff, a phrasing, the sound of the artists voice and I am engulfed in pleasure.

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I am sneaking this in because I am tired of wanting to blog something, thinking I will do it at home later and then not or forgetting what it was I wanted to say.

I have two really great loves in my life that are not people or places I know personally. They are movies and music.

Music makes me sad because I love it so much, most varieties, and yet I cannot move my body to it.

Movies are linked with so many memories for me of my Oregon East family in our glory days. I work with a woman who still lives that life of 3 movies in a weekend. I miss those days.

This weekend I watched The Lover, based on a book of the same name by M Duras. While it is not my favorite movie I do honestly think it is the sexiest movie of all time. When time passes without watching it I forget how much I love it. The story is very bittersweet.

For two days now a red, soft, clothlike ponytail holder has been sitting in a stall in the woman's bathroom. I see it and I think of Heathers, which is my favorite movie. I love the darkness of that film.

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Revelations, awakenings, what ever you prefer

This will be the quick version as I am on my way out the door. I spend all day seated at my desk so it is not likely I will blog much during the week. I hate that my leisure activities are cut short by my work.

A few things I realized while on vacation with quiet time to myself, mostly just for thinking.

1. I use the buttons wrong for the contrast on my picture phone. Marked improvement with my photos has followed.

2. I don't back up some of my more important beliefs with my actions, and I am astonished that Scott doesn't take me seriously? And I realized that I don't take him seriously for the same reasons.

3. I really do not have ANY capacity for making small talk. It petrifies me.

4. I don't have an identity outside of Elijah's mother. I do sort of with my oldest and dearest friends but I found myself sitting many a times while in Michigan, listening to conversations, realizing that I couldn't think of a thing to say about myself. I felt compelled to let total strangers know I was someone's mother.

5. In part because of #3 I often get very internalized in large groups and my inner voice is mostly negative. I did hear a rational voice at one point, telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to do something.

6. I was reminded once again of how deeply I love my Oregon East family and how growing up and being apart still seems absurd.

7. I am missing one I think. I thought I mentioned one to Nicole and Elle one night. I know that #5 was one, not sure about the other.

8. How foreign the concept of marriage is to me.

9. How much I limit myself by being overweight. I have spent 10 years of my life being overweight and unhealthy. I hope to not spend the next 10 this way.

Well I guess that sums it up for now. I shouldn't have waited so long to record these.

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My feet it seems will never be the same.
I have been retaining water for over a week now and it is painful. I am wondering if I should place a call to my doctor.

I cannot sit at work for even an hour it seems with out pain. Ouch!
I am going on a walk to the library. I hope that helps

I wished to post my reflections from my trip but the time it took to make my searches at the library online have made that an impossibility in this sitting.

Maybe later.

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I have made it back to Oregon, for those of you who do not know I have been away for a week. Visiting Michigan and New York City for a wedding and sanity.

I am thankful that I do not have much to do today at work as I cannot stay very focused.

I look forward to sharing my epiphanies experienced while on my own this last week.

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After several dry, warm days in Michigan we brought rains back with us on our trip East to Staten Island. The rain started as we left Clarion, PA and has yet to let up completely.

Nothing like making a 300 mile trip having to crawl along the interstates at 45 mph.

More updates later... Hasta la proxima

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In searching for a notebook to write nightly (or almost anyway) affirmations I found an "I am grateful" notebook from seven years ago. Under Nicole's suggestion I thought I would post some new notices on my site.

I am grateful for a child who miraculously slept in until almost 10, giving his mother who stayed up much too late (3:30a), much needed sleep.

I am grateful for a cleansing rain over the night and a beautiful sunny day.

I am grateful for iced tea.

I am grateful for a friend like Dana, who provided fireworks for my nephew and neices' entertainment.

I am grateful for a four day weekend before I leave for vacation.

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