life of uncertainty

I really haven't much to say these days. Life keeps rolling along. Today on my way to work after dropping Elijah off I was realizing that this time in 2 years Elijah will be starting kindergarten. I know that is two years away but it seems so quick when put in perspective of how the months keep slipping away.

I have a newer neighbor. From what I can tell he is a single man. He moved in, placed his patio furniture, put up sun shades, set up his BBQ and tied up his tomato plant all in a matter of a day or two. I have lived in my apartment for 9 months now and have done little more than unpack, and not even that completely. Prior I lived in a huge house and never really set up anything personal. I would like to make it a priority to hang some of my posters this weekend. I look forward to the time when I live somewhere I consider "home".

When I first moved to my apartment I was gung ho to set up my life as a newly single person. Planning for decorations and new schedules and such was a way to move past the pain of my failed relationship. However now my relationship isn't completely failed, it is just in limbo. This limbo is far worse. It is time to take the inititive and figure out what is the future plan for my self, my son, my family.

I would really like to go back to school but debit has me trapped. Trapped mostly in a job I really do not gain any satisfaction from. Time to time I get to settle into the groove of day to day routines and don't expend much energy thinking about the pros and cons of my job. I don't think about skills I am gaining or skills that i am not using. Times like these where I am extremely busy and stressed make me realize however that there are skills I need for this job that I do not want to obtain. I don't want to diplomatically explain to someone how I messed up and have no ways to correct. Or to more diplomatically stretch the truth and pretend things aren't as bad as they seem.