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January 21, 2005

What a difference a day makes

This morning my entry last night seems a life time away.

Why am I not sleeping? I just keep up night after night watching TV, reading after that, masturbating after that, maybe some breathing excerises. As soon as I wake I realize how tired I am, how hard I was sleeping and how late it is.

Tonight I equated the all nighters to the itches, pains and other distractions that seem to pop up when I try to meditate, am I on the right path?

All day today the inner demons were at me. I intended to have a salad, I didn't. I thought I had part of a cucumber in the fridge at work, I didn't. I came home and had some celery. One step foward, two steps back. I won my battle today by stopping at the store after work and purchasing more apples, oranges, bananas and pears. Oh, and I went on a short walk today :P

My sister Melissa was over today, she and her children lived with me for a time a while ago. I have missed them. It is funny, I spent so much of my life at home just wanting to get away. Now as my siblings have had children, and our children have become friends I cannot imagine how life will be as life's events separate them by time and distance. I guess E isn''t so worse for wear having my parents out of state, the initial transition is a bit rough. My brother, sister-in-law and niece will be moving to the coast (a few hours away) soon. This spreading of the family tree should be a positive reason to travel more and have adventures but it never seems to be the case.


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January 20, 2005

The Tides are a Changing

I am so excited I want to scream from the rooftops... I feel a monumental shift has taken place. In the past I would be too frightened to say anything, for fear it would slip away but I am going to bask in this feeling so it lasts forever :) What am I speaking about you ask? My second 40-day trend, fruits and vegetables

Saturday I didn't meet the threshold, Tuesday either. Tuesday was the worst actually. I had McDonald's. I was totally unsatisfied with my food and it was a total act of laziness.
But here is the monumental shift in "Jennifer Thinking"... I told myself this morning that the issue "was not whether you fell off the horse or not but if you got back on!" I always feel so funny sharing these little pep talk, hell I feel funny having them myself

I have been having a year long journey with myself, I have been often disappointed that I haven't made more changes to myself and my life. I have had grand plans, a step in some direction I guess, I have made week long attempts to stop this or start that

Much like quitting smoking (2 ½ months and counting) I am experiencing a feeling of triumph well before meeting the set finish line. With smoking it was the wonderful feeling every few days when I realized I was no longer counting each and every day. With the 5 a day plan it is the opposite, it is awareness of my mindfulness (Thank you Nicole for sharing the knowledge that has led to these words entering my vocabulary)

Today I started off slow; I had the other half of E's apple on the way to work. I then had meetings and doctor appointments and managed to not eat anything else until 3 in the afternoon. I was on my way to the bank when I realized I would be right near this place called Roly Poly, they make wraps and have a fairly extensive menu. I had a wrap with lettuce (green leaf), spinach (I opted for this over sprouts), tomato, avocado, and mango chutney. I feel confident that the veggies on my wrap equal one serving because they are huge and I ate it all. I'll save that issue for another time. I also had a juice drink which for today I am counting as a fruit because it was nectar, water is the first ingredient, there was no corn syrup and beta-carotene was one of the ingredients. I was very full the rest of the night and had a snack of peanut butter and celery.

Oh, and the other day I saw my presliced remaining red bell pepper in the refrigerator wilting away and I thought to myself, "I should take that so it doesn't go bad!" I took it and added it to my frozen rice pilaf with green beans that I adore. I love this pilaf so much that I took the time to note the actual ingredients from the carton but am not much of an experimenter.

I am so happy to be supported in this endeavor by my best friends, I hope you read this and feel my joy and ride the wave. I know the remaining time will go quickly. I have been trying to think what I should add next. Can I maintain 3 good life choices at one time?

My wish list- I wish I could go to the grocery store more often without feeling like it is such a chore. Sometimes living in Salem sucks. I say that only because I know that if I lived just a bit further north I could have groceries delivered. In all actuality I still would not have my groceries delivered for financial reasons. I also wish I didn't talk myself out of stopping at the second store all the time, LifeSource

I feel like I want to keep talking but I am not sure what I want to share. I am eagerly hoping I can be more prolific now as I have laptop. It is so nice to be able to multi task (although I am partially horrified that I am listening to TV as background noise while I type)


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January 13, 2005

Day 10

Today is Day 10. Wow, it is going slow but easier than I imagined. Maybe the easier is because I haven't quite met my goal each day. This last weekend I did not eat any fruit.

I counted a baked potato on Sunday as one of my vegetables, and on Monday I had a lot of shredded iceburg lettuce, but it was A LOT!

I am much more mindful than I have been in the past on this type of an issue so I am feeling quite happy with myself. I am gladly using my earlier success at quitting smoking to pep talk myself through this next journey.


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January 06, 2005

5 A Day, Day 3

A new year, a fresh start

I have been asked to partake in a fruit and veggie extravaganza. My best friend, Nicole asked that I go along with her for 40 days of really striving to meet the 5 a day recommendation, 2 fruits and 3 vegetables. Other friends of ours will be joining as well, right Gabrielle? Of course the hopefull benefit is that after 40 days we have made a lifestyle change to continuous eating this way.

Per my normal routines this is quite a shake up and today I am already feeling the burn.

Today -

One large fuji apple
one small bowl of canned peaches
one kiwi
one small pkg of baby carrots
one large cucumber

I guess I switched it around... I was doing so well until fixing waffles for dinner and then losing all urge for the other veggies I needed, the cucumber after dinner was quite the stretch :)

Apple was for breakfast
I had cherry yogurt and tamari almonds for midday snacks.
I had rice pilaf with green beens for lunch, and the baby carrots
and waffles for dinner
I had too little water today, probably only 4 glasses


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Welcome 2005

At Samhain I resolved to quit smoking, it has been over 2 months now and going quite nicely. I am still deciding whether or not I will allow myself to smoke while going out (I am kind of avoiding those situations for now)

My resolution for the 2005 calendar year is to recognize birthdays. After the craziness of the holidays; for the last 2 years I have essentially not participated in Christmas due to lack of funds, preplanning and craftiness, I decided I would like to spread more joy throughout the year to those I love.

I am still thinking about how I want to track those birthdays and how I will be recognizing them.


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