Two + one + one = Four?
For those of you that I haven't had the chance to tell personally I apologize...
It appears that our little family will be increasing. I am 7 weeks pregnant. I know by some accounts it is too early to be spreading the word but I just cannot seem to help it :) It feels like it has been forever since I realized. I wonder if near the end I will recall how these days crept on.
For sensibility reasons I am trying to stick to the "safe" 12 week mark to tell my mother and of course my son. Each day is a trial. He is going to be such a great big brother. The first few days I knew the news I would lay next to E while he slept and wonder how I can possibly love another child in the same manner. I guess it won't be the same exactly.
I was beginning to think that this wouldn't happen for me a second time. I had come to terms with it but even after all these years I still sleep with my hand on my abdomen. I never really truely got over the loss of not feeling life inside me. I felt foolishly excited for the few days the news was completely my own. It was tempered with sudden, extreme feelings of almost panic. I mean, did I really want to start over from step 0. Do I want all the accessories that seem to come with babies? I am just now able to see the dim light at the end of my tunnel of credit card debt. Can I afford the set back? And work, I only stick with it because of benefits. What now? And of course there is the issue of my SO. After 8 years we still aren't together or apart. And what now? Well most definitely we will have to move in with one another and I actually only find the prospect of moving itself to be worrisome.
I suppose I could drone on and on about all the pros, cons, high, lows, worries and dreams. It is hard to tell what I want to expose publicly. I suppose not a lot more than I already have and yet....