The Other Woman
The other woman contacted me! Using my husband's phone! Just when I thought my life was shattered by the last earthquake I find that rubble can still crumble. She said she wasn't trying to hurt anyone, that they like each other and want to be together. What the fuck! Did she think I was just going to give my blessing? That I would cease being destroyed because their intentions weren't to destroy me? The weren't thinking about anyone, aren't thinking, about anyone but themselves.
I called her. She had nothing to say for herself other than I should be the one to realize that he doesn't love me and why do I want that for myself. How dare she? She's 20, she has a child, she apparently doesn't drive. She has no comprehension about the depths of any of this.
I had the information to contact her for several days before she made contact and I resisted. I was getting to the point I was believing all the advice, that it wouldn't serve any purpose and then SHE opened the door. I want to harrass her, I want to find out where she lives, I want to trap him at her house. I want a huge, ugly scene. And I'll do none of it, I'll get none of it because I can't do anything for myself but safeguard my children. I am so angry at the world, at the ones spewing the sage advice that keeps me out of the alleys but keeps me so imprisoned.
I yelled at her, I used crude language. He is the true target of my venom but it never comes out when I'm face to face with him. I can't find a place to sit quietly in my own body.
He was upset at her contact as well but not like he should have been. If I had contacted her first he would have left me so fast and so furious but for her he "got on her about it!"
I keep telling myself that she is insecure about all of this. Why else would she give him a hickey, knowing he comes home to his wife every night, leave her lip balm in his car, send me a text message. I hate them both so intensely.