life of uncertainty

What must it feel like to:

breathe deeply when your hackles are up?

choose to relax and enjoy an activity rather than sink into disconnectedness?

enjoy your job, most of the time?

have a home filled with beautiful things that nourish your soul?

have open dialogue with your friends in the worst of times, not just the best?

eat to nourish your body, not your emotions?

have a truly saving savings account?

be loved and cared for in a true companionship?

remember what ectasy feels like?

to be able to see the path?

to be in touch?

to not always be wanting?

Most of these are what I feel I'm truly missing, some I have some of the time, the questions remain the same.

AAARRGGHHH!!! I feel like pulling my hair out today.